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Reading Pujo: The Nostalgia of Pujabarshikis

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This piece was written on the request of the San Diego Bengali Association for their Durga Puja souvenir - Saikat.

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For me, the best part of Durga Pujo was always the Pujabarshiki. It started with Anandamela and Sandesh with the occasional Shuktara thrown in. Desh was, of course, read for the Feluda

Before the schools shut down for the Puja holidays, there was always an ‘end-term’ examination to negotiate. Given my dependence on last minute completion of syllabus, the Pujabarshikis were a serious threat to my academic pursuits. As the advertisements tantalizingly promised spine-tingling adventures of heroes, I had to plod through time zone problems and Sher Shah’s myriad achievements before I could get my hands on them. But, oh – they were so worth the wait.

Needless to say, Satyajit Ray was the biggest draw with Professor Shonku in Anandamela and Feluda in Desh, with an additional story thrown in Sandesh. To reach the stories, however, there was a massive battle to be won to decide who would get to read which magazine first. A classmate (who stayed in a joint family) once got his reading slot between 2 – 4 AM and had to take a nap, set an alarm to wake up at 1:45 AM to read Professor Rondi-r Time Machine! Quite tragically, Ray’s quality (especially for Feluda) dropped a lot in the late 1980s due to his prolonged illness and some of his later novels were not satisfying. In fact, he gave a pretty lengthy explanation (in Nayan Rahasya) for the drop in quality and pledged to write only when he felt the plot was up to the mark (which was probably a subtle message to his publishers). Feluda and Professor Shonku continue to remain favourites as Anandamela Pujabarshiki still carries unfinished manuscripts, comic books and other avatars of these evergreen heroes.

Second to Feluda in popularity was, of course, Sunil Gangopadhyay’s Kakababu. Raja Raychaudhuri was a disabled archaeologist, who was always on the trail of priceless artefacts – assisted by his nephew Shontu. Shontu was a more active version of Topshe and was more useful in a fight (since he knew karate). He seemed to be a pretty normal chap till he stood fifth in the Higher Secondary examination in one story. To add a comic angle, a character called Jojo – a purveyor of tall tales – was introduced in the later stories. Some young girls flitted in and out of the stories as well though no overt romantic subplot was pursued. Kakababu continues to be around though he has become bit of a Metrosexual Hulk as he cries at the drop of a hat, fights off swordsmen with his crutches and burns himself in fire. In his early stories, Kakababu solved problems with his brain and overpowered villains with moner jor. That surely seems to have changed.  Srijit Mukherjee (of Autograph and Baishey Srabon fame) is directing a Kakababu film (with Prasenjit as the lead) and I hope it captures some of the old magic.

Shirshendu Mukhopadhyay never had a fixed hero. His stories – usually set in rural Bengal (fictional villages like Patashgarh, Hetamgarh, Aghorganj etc) – always had an ensemble of eccentric characters with offbeat names (Karalicharan, Prangopal, Jatadhar etc) and sometimes, strange abilities. One recurring feature of his story was an elderly character who always missed out on international glory (Olympic boxing medal, for example) due to a quirk of fate (a carbuncle on the back, for example). Two of my favourite stories – Hirer Angti and Gosai Baganer Bhoot– have been made into films and that may be a great way to get the old world charm of his stories to the younger generation.

Moti Nandi was one of the most underrated novelists of our times as his sports stories were brilliant in detail, tight in plotting and extremely satisfying in resolution. Kalabati – the woman cricketer of his stories – faced discrimination, fought indifference and rose over the lack of support to follow her passion. I remember his other cricket story – Jiban Ananta– in a Pujabarshiki (that I read repeatedly) for its goose-bump inducing description of an over in which the fast bowling hero took five wickets. (Yes, five wickets in six balls. And it was a brilliant Pujo!)  

The other favourites were Buddhadeb Guha with his pipe-smoking hunter Riju-da, Syed Mustafa Siraj with his bearded Col. Niladri Sarkar, Samaresh Majumdar with his handsome young detective Arjun and Sanjib Chattopadhyay with his tragicomic stories.
It is a tribute to these authors that I still remember vignettes of their stories after so many years. For example, Sanjib Chattopadhyay wrote two back-to-back tragedies in Pujabarshikis – Iti Palash and Iti Tomar Ma– that were just heartbreaking. To lighten the mood and pay a tribute to the recently departed Syed Mustafa Siraj, I have to quote a non sequitur from one of his novels – Knatai knatai raat baarota / Begun bhaja aar parota / Kimba luchi ardho dawjon / Ichhe hoy kortey bhojon.     
All thanks to the Pujabarshiki, a treasure chest of memories.

When I was young, my father used to reminisce about his childhood Puja magazines. Many of them were not special issues of regular magazines but one annual number released during the Pujas. The erstwhile stalwarts of children’s literature (and no dearth of them, ever) contributed. I have read many of them and the thrill of reading Narayan Gangopadhyay, Premendra Mitra, Saradindu Bandopahyay, Shibram Chakraborty and Lila Majumdar in the same book is something else! Deb Sahitya Kutir was the most prolific publisher of these titles and my father used to constantly say, “Aajkal standard ekdum porey gechhey. Amader shomoi ki bhalo hoto…”
I am about to pick up this year’s quota of Pujabarshikis and the natural tendency would be to take refuge in nostalgia and say the same. But having read some of the newer authors and their characters, I’d say it wouldn’t be easy to dismiss them.

Genius

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Today is the 125th birth anniversary of Sukumar Ray.
I tried to write a post on this man, whose works are virtually unknown outside of Bengal and yet his books are part of every Bengali's DNA. I was hoping to acquaint the non-Bengali readers of this blog how great he was but I couldn't figure out where to start.
Instead of my trying to laboriously explain how important Sukumar Ray was, it would be better if you just saw this documentary on him, made by his son.


I do not know of any other language in which only one author occupies such a large part of the childhood memories of an entire population for several generations. Imagine 'Jack and Jill', 'Humpty Dumpty', 'Twinkle Twinkle' and about fifty more nursery rhymes to be about a hundred times more inventive. And then, imagine they were written by just one person. That, to my mind, is a fair estimation of Sukumar Ray's impact on Bengali childhood.
Sounds like an exaggeration, doesn't it? Believe me... I don't remember what I had for dinner tonight but I can recite most of his poems pretty much in their entirety, thirty years after I last read them. 

Bond as Loser

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*** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT ***

When Quantum of Solace had released, I had mourned the death of Bond. While some agreed with my contention that Bond needed to be a "sexist, misogynist dinosaur", people felt the more (physically) rugged, more sensitive, less articulate avatar of Bond was better suited (pun not intended) for the new age.  

According to my minuscule mind, a James Bond movie has to unfurl in the following way:
1. A context-free action sequence (mandatorily involving a chase in an exotic location) in which Bond saves day and ends with a punchy one-liner 
2. Revelation of nefarious plans of a megalomaniac seeking world domination 
3. Briefing, kitting up and arriving at exotic location ending with introduction of the 'Bond girl' and an initial skirmish with the villain's henchmen (where Bond wins on points, not a knockout)
4. Revelation of the end-game plans, enabled by active use of arms, ammunition and gadgets 
5. Final showdown at villain's lair, leading to its destruction and triumphant closing with Bond getting into a clinch with the girl 
(Oh, there is also the Bond song. That was done wonderfully this time.) 

In many ways, a Bond film is a Bollywood film. However, it needs to update itself with new technology, new issues and new contexts. When one sees the Sean Connery films now, the gadgetry is cringe-inducing and the politics of the villain (SMERSH, for example) is outdated. However, the character of Bond endures as does the OTT-ness of the villains.   

To bring in the audiences, the new-age additions have to be made. 
Make Q younger and more smart alecky. Mock the pen-bomb silliness. Update the politics. Bring in YouTube. Make Bond useless with a Walther PPK but great with a hunting rifle. But for God's sake, make him a hero and not a mere protagonist. 

In Skyfall, Segments 1, 2 and 3 happen somewhat satisfactorily though the opening sequence doesn't end with Bond's triumph but it kind of merges with Segment No 2 (where a crisis is precipitated). Segments 3 and 4 tick off all the boxes but Bond remains rather subdued in all of it. When all Bond does to catch a villain is to switch on a GPS locator and MI6 commandos do the rest, then you are not modernising him but changing him into a handsome Q. 

I loved the fact that the final showdown did not happen in the villain's lair but in Bond's own backyard. But I have a serious, serious issue with the climax. And that is the point of this post. 

Dear Mr Mendes and fans of Mr Mendes - 
You have gone on and on about Bond suddenly becoming real, the character becoming more contemporary and the overall series getting heft and depth. But have you considered the following? 

The villain's objective was to kill M. And he succeeded
Did you realise this? Did you even notice - in between your breathless celebration of Craig's hunk factor - that Bond actually failed in Skyfall? All his Home Alone antics came to a gigantic naught because the villain killed the woman who was Bond supposed to protect. Without getting into the need for the villains to have goals crazier than killing the MI6 boss, the bottomline was that Bond couldn't stop a toothless computer hacker. 
Is this the new Bond? A loser? 

By all means, modernise the series. Make Bond grapple with new things, new problems, a new world. 
But please, please, please don't turn him into a Lester Burnham. 

Yash Chopra's Kaala Patthar

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It has been exactly a month since Yash Chopra passed away and the avalanche of well-deserved tributes has now more or less subsided. I waited for this time when I would be able to look at his films a little objectively (though that has never been my forte) and talk about some aspect that has not been covered in all those tributes.
And after a lot of thought, I decided to write on that rough hewn solid rock of a film – Kaala Patthar.

It is quite strange that the tributes hardly mentioned Kaala Patthar because it is a perfect example of what Yash Chopra did really well for the first two-thirds of his career: superbly written, conflict-driven, emotion-driven multi-starrers. Waqt, Daag, Deewaar, Trishul, Kabhi Kabhie were all in this mould. 
Here I would also like to point out that it is a little unfair / inaccurate to label him as the King of Romance. Of the 20+ films he has directed, I can count only 8 that were out and out romances, which included his most mediocre films (Veer Zaara and Dil To Paagal Hai for example). He pretty much defined that Angry Young Man was. In any list of the 10 Greatest Hindi Films of all time, Deewaar would be a sure-shot entry. How can you dismiss such a filmmaker as a chiffon-and-snow sort of guy? 
Emperor of Emotion would be a more apt title.

Kaala Patthar– shorn of the fisticuffs and action – was essentially a tale of very complex emotions and all its characters had incredible depth. 
A disgraced naval officer. An escaped convict. An idealistic engineer. A lady doctor. A bangle seller. A cards shark. Not only the stars but even the bit parts (Macmohan as the cards shark, Parikshit Sahni as a garrulous truck driver) were portrayed with intricate detail.

It is easy to ascribe a large part of Yash Chopra’s success to Salim-Javed and indeed, their scripts for at least three of his biggest hits were superb. But if you see Kaala Patthar, you would realize the value a great director brings to a great script. Of course, the tension of the rivalries, the exploitation and the eventual climax were brilliantly structured but Yash Chopra filmed them only as he could.
He framed Amitabh’s shots in close-ups and low-angles to accentuate his brooding and heighten his already towering presence. He framed Shatrughan Sinha's swagger in wide-angle shots to bring about his ‘lord of all I survey’ attitude. The miners’ colony – while not reaching the realism levels of Wasseypur – was coated with grime. The movie had a distinctly brooding undertone and the mine (as well as the colony) was decidedly claustrophobic. 

Despite that, the pace of the film was breathtaking and he followed Manmohan Desai’s dictum of entertainment – “one item every nine minutes – to the tee. Look at the roster of events:
“Teesre badshah hum hain”– Shatru’s badass card trick.
A very underplayed but critical scene of labour rights (which had distinct shades his earlier hit, Deewaar).
Multiple scenes of Amitabh’s explosive dialogue delivery, including one in which he wrenched off a knife from a goon with bare hands.
A symphonic build up of the Amitabh-Shatru rivalry – using tea, beedi and tablets for fever – that eventually ended in a mind-blowing fight scene.
And of course, the final mine-flooding scene that was a mindboggling piece of cinema considering the primitive technology of Bollywood at that time.

Bollywood never believed in genres. Every hero – especially in the 1960s – did a little bit of everything to make a complete masala potboiler with action, emotion, music, romance, drama, comedy, tragedy thrown into one giant blender. Yash Chopra bucked this trend in the 1970s. 
Each one of his lead characters remained true to their mental makeup throughout the films. So, the fiery dockworker remained steadfastly anchored to his simmering rage while his happy-go-lucky brother sang a couple of songs with his fiancée. Even in his later films (though a little less so), the young Kunwar transformed into a sober bore while his bald friend remained resolutely hilarious.  
Kaala Patthar is one of the best examples of this where a disgraced naval officer took anonymous refuge in a mine. Amitabh Bachchan’s intensity reached unprecedented levels (even including Deewaar) as he seemed incapable of smiling for an overwhelming part of the film. His backstory came much later in the film and Yash Chopra added some subtle hints of his past (his picking up of an English paperback in the doctor’s chamber, for example).
When he burst out in Raakhee’s clinic with that iconic line – “Pain is my destiny and I cannot avoid it” – it hit you like a sledgehammer.

Kaala Patthar remains his most under-rated film and thanks to it being sandwiched between Trishul and Silsila, almost undiscussed. It is a blazing testimony of Yash Chopra's non-romantic talents and also a fine example of how serious can also be entertaining. 
Wish there were a few more like him... RIP, Yash-ji.

Do read my other eulogies of the man who is undoubtedly my favourite Bollywood director.
He was one of the great brands of Bollywood. He was a dream merchant. He has two films in my list of thirteenfavourites. And I have seen one his movies 72 times.

The Homecoming

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Many years ago, I went to a b-school in Jamshedpur. One of their traditions is to have a weekend  in November when all alumni are invited to visit the campus with friends and family. This is - quite beautifully - called The Homecoming. 
The Homecoming Weekend is on right now. The following piece was meant for the souvenir printed on this occasion. Some of the names may be a little personal but I am hoping many people who want to go back to their alma maters some time in the future will identify with this.

When the auto had turned the bend, you had tried to peep out and take a look at the tree-lined campus that had been your home for the past two years. Blame it on the three others who crammed into the same auto and their embarrassingly large backpacks, you couldn’t do it. Oh, what’s the big deal, you thought. You will be coming back every once in a while. Every time you come home to Calcutta for a holiday, you can squeeze in a day trip to Jamshedpur. The Bombay-Delhi guys will not be able to do this. But you can easily… 
You were not alone among the alumni who made these highly optimistic ‘return’ plans and failed miserably. Even the guilt gave way after the first three-four years.

Every once in a while on a business trip to Bombay (or Bangalore or Delhi), you postponed the evening flight out and landed up at a batchmate’s place. He would always have the dregs of an Old Monk bottle left. Chatting animatedly with the couple of other friends, you would again make elaborate plans. Hey, did you know Kingfisher flies to Ranchi now? It is even easier now. Just fly and drive down in three hours. All objections about the bad Jharkhand roads would get lost in the nostalgic high. For the Jubilee Batch (or Jalebi, as you call yourselves unselfconsciously), the campus had changed the maximum since our departure. It would be so cool to go back, you thought as you downed the Old Monk. 

These plans became more and more difficult to make as we grew older. Many of you have moved abroad. Many had multi-locational teams reporting into them. Some had started their own business. It was bloody difficult to get away from work for 4-5 days. On top of that, this recession was not making anybody’s work-life easier. (Yaar, yeh recession ko postpone karao koi. You postponed project submissions with impunity. How difficult can this be?)

Then you had children and their schools, class tests to contend with. As you grow even older, too many of your earlier generation seemed to be going in and out of hospitals. Planning with friends became nearly impossible. Instead of shacking up with a friend in a different city, it felt right that you came back hoping to catch your daughter about to fall asleep.

So, you must plan again – right from scratch.
You now want to take your son along. He knows what colleges are. He has heard of these good colleges called IIM. He has to be shown the difference between the good and the best. He has to be shown those tree-lined paths. He has to be shown where the computer centre used to be (You used desktops, dad?). You had to tell him about Jesu, Gango and Sarin. You also need to prepare an answer for when he asks, “Dad, what are they shouting? What’s the next line after Ek do teen chaar?”
He has seen your wife’s and your ancestral homes. It is time to show him this one as well.  

Telling God What To Do

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Acknowledgements are due to Shivaramakrishnan K - whose knowledge of Amitabh Bachchan and everything associated with Amitabh Bachchan is quite legendary. His inputs pretty much made this post. 

In a few hours, Earth will stand still as the Universe starts celebrating the 62nd birthday of He Who Has Been Named as the modern incarnation of God himself.
A 3D version of an earlier hit is releasing. India's leading English publishing house is releasing his 'definitive biography'. Websites about him work without internet and urban legends sprout faster than he can put on his sunglasses. Many fans will be bathing his idol in milk and honey. In fact, I am sure some intern at Living Media is searching the 'net to provide dope for an editorial.

It was just the right time to go through some of his 'best of' lists and acquaint myself with his legend. And look what I found...

I started with Billa - the film (made in 1980) that spawned his legend as well as the legend of a next generation actor who remade the film. It turned out to be a faithful copy of a film named Don (1978). When I say copy, I don't mean a simpleton-posing-as-gangster story lift. I mean, a scene-by-scene copy - including some of the not-so-insignificant scenes like this one in a sauna.

And not only the insignificant scenes. Even the pattern on the coat - not to mention the cabaret dancer - were alarmingly similar.

Soon after Billa, came Thee (1981). Which came six years after a film called Deewaar (1975).
Both the films started with the pronouncement (from a benevolent dictator) about the long-term prospects of a shoe-shine boy.

The shoeshine boy, needless to say, lived up to the expectations.
Do note Bachchan's  subdued and Rajini's flamboyant delivery of the same punchline.

Again, Thee was a lock, stock and badge copy of Deewaar. No character seemed to have got missed. Including Rahim Chacha.

The legend of Rajinikanth spread far and wide. In Mr Bharath (1986), he locked horns with his illegitimate father to build colonies. Though not before he confronted a goon and his gang with a compassionate attitude. He got an ambulance before beating them up. Sounds familiar?

Amitabh Bachchan's monster hit of 1985 - Mard - was copied in Maveeran (1986). Though the famous display of the hero's chest ended up becoming bit of a chocolate icing in the Tamil version! See for yourself. Everything was exactly the same, including the way the titles appeared.

By the way, Maveeran coopted the services of one Mr Dara Singh to put that icing on the chest.

Amitabh Bachchan's famous Vijay Merchant-Vijay Hazare monologue from Namak Halaal (1982) was replicated word for word in Velaikkaran (1987), including the same objective (job in a hotel) and the same introduction (by a comic sidekick).

If you are thinking that these are the biggest hits of Amitabh Bachchan's careers and would spawn imitations, let me give you the example of Padikathavan (1985), which was a scene-by-scene copy of Khud-daar (1982). Khud-daar, though successful, was certainly not one of AB's iconic films but it became fodder for a Rajini film anyway. The whole gig about an ungrateful younger brother kicking the hero's ass while a beatific  elder brother looked on (unaware of the relationship).

And of course, the human taxi was there in the Tamil version as well!

Millions of fans across the world imitate Rajinikanth - a fact that has become something of an urban legend. He imitated Amitabh Bachchan - film by film, scene by scene, frame by frame - to reach where he is today. I don't know if these movies were official remakes (as in, rights bought from original makers) or unofficial inspirations. Either way, God owes his divinity to Amitabh Bachchan.
Never forget that. Okay? 

Random Movies I Like: Maine Pyar Kiya

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Today, Salman Khan turned 47. And despite his seven 100-crore movies, my favourite film of his is still the one that is no longer cool to admit to have seen multiple times. And if you had told me then that Salman would act in films that were more successful than his second feature film, I would have laughed. 
(Salman's first movie - Biwi Ho To Aisi - was an epochal study on the use of female authority in Indian households, also remembered for Bindu's clarion call 'Secretary, follow me'.) 

Just now, I realised one SM Ahale is credited for the 'story' of Maine Pyar Kiya which is surely the oldest formula in Bollywood cupboard. The screenplay and dialogue - two reasons why I loved the movie as a 14-year old - were by the true creative force behind the movie, director Sooraj Barjatya. (Though Farha Khan is of the belief that some credit for that belongs to one Omprakash Makhija!) For the teenagers that we were at the time MPK released, the then-smart-now-cheesy lines were the main draw of the movie. 
You could laugh at those now but I have attended a show of MPK where a bunch of boys distributed cake in the rear stalls when Bhagyashree's birthday was being celebrated on-screen. At that time, MPK was not merely a hit movie like Ek Tha Tiger or Dabangg. It was a social phenomenon, a cult, a way of life. 

It started with Laxmikant Berde ('first time in Hindi movie') whose absolutely juvenile lines rocked our life! 
Show me a guy who hasn't retorted with a 'same to you' when called 'stupid' and I will show you a guy who topped IIT, cooped up in his cage with algebra books. 
He sang "Bhutta mil gaya" (and then "mukka mil gaya" soon afterwards), giving a fresh lease of life to the hit from Sangam. 
His romance with milkmaid Gulabo (Huma Khan, in her only non-B movie) was a strange mix of pseudo-nyakaness and silly banter. 
His cigarette-stealing. His anchoring of the legendary antakshari. His tomfoolery. His goofy good nature.  
And of course, his description of life before iPod. "Aapka chalne wala aadmi - Walkman."

And then, there was Bhagyashree. 
When Pervin Dastur taunted Salman with "Bade old fashioned ho, Prem", the camera showed Bhagyashree cleaning glass broken by the shrew. She was homely enough to clean messes and yet she was smart enough to duck Salman's boxing gloves (hanging from the door, remember?). 
She was girl enough to get embarrassed when she caught Salman peeing. But she was boy enough to have a repartee ready. ("Madam, aajkal darwaza pe knock karne ka zamana nahin raha." / "Sir, aajkal darwaza lock karne ka zamana bhi nahin raha.")
She managed to beat Salman at table-tennis but seemed adequately embarrassed by that.   
She was a PETA member but was alarmingly adept at Satyanarayan pooja. 
She wanted to go on an evening excursion with her boyfriend but cancelled when her future mom-in-law called her for mehendis. 
She wore short (I mean, really short and shiny for good measure) dresses. But only for her fiancee. 
She kissed passionately but only with glass doors in between. 
She was the girl jo matar chhilegi, badon ka izzat karegi, hum umr se apnapan, chhoton se pyaar... sab karegi. 
In short, she wasn't just the girl you wanted to bring home to mother. The mother would have carried the home to her if you found someone like her.  

Despite my going on and on about all of them, I cannot think of MPK as anything other than a Salman movie. Salman was not just Prem. He was PREM - bold, italics, underline, font size 48. 
His stylised "abhi mood nahin hai" to his attempts at the dartboard, Salman was the most-imitated actor in the year MPK released. His "ulta shave karke raja coat pehenna" was much discussed as was his handling of Bollywood's most popular movie merchandise - the FRIEND cap. 
Even the wall full of his own B&W photographs found many admirers.
Of course, those admirers became devotees after The Party Scene.
The Party Scene had Mohnish Behl counterpointing what our man was saying about friendship between a boy and girl.
Okay. Pause. You know the lines. I know the lines. But I still have to say it. For inner peace. "Kya ek jawaan ladka aur jawaan ladki kabhi dost ban sakte hain? Yeh toh ek naatak hai, naatak. Kapkapaati raaton mein dhadakti hui dilon ki bhadakti hui aag bujhane ka."
There, Salman did not say those words but I had to. He was the reason why those words were said, okay?

And. And. And his fights.
He was as short as (if not shorter than) Aamir but his built body ensured that he was a power-packed dynamite  in the action scenes.
He did a very good boxing bout with Mohnish Behl at the Legendary Party. Despite his hair getting all spiky after the brawl, he exuded menace as he walked off with his then-subdued swagger.
The climax fight - with the truckers in the rain - had him getting all wet and bloody and I was quite scandalised to find that even girls fantasised about filmstars. On a bus ride back from school, I heard two excited college girls discussing Salman's hairy chest and how the vest clung to his chest during that fight. This was the first time I heard a filmi hero being discussed in terms different from taking home to mother.


And before I finish, I have to talk about the pre-climax showdown that was tweeted by noted film critic (and fellow 90s fan) Sukanya Verma today. The scene in which Salman wowed Alok Nath, the nation and its sister-in-law with a mix of sincerity, courage and broad chest. (And triggered this post, to some extent.) 

"Main paise phirse kamaunga babuji, main phirse paisa launga aur is baar main vaada karta hoon babuji, note bheegenge nahin."

My first reaction was to thank her profusely for the memory but then, "Dosti ka ek ussool hai, madam - No sorry, no thank you." 
How can I forget that line? How can I forget Salman for saying that line?

Happy birthday, Prem.  

For My Two-Year Old Daughter

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Dear Drishti, 

I woke up today to find that a 23-year old Indian girl has died in Singapore. 
The girl had been sent there for treatment for the injuries she had sustained a couple of weeks back when six people in a bus raped her while she was returning home from a movie. I really hoped she would pull through because she was sent to the best hospital for organ transplants in Asia but... 

When I read the headline on a website, I told your mother and she did what I was dreading. She switched on the TV. As I tried to shut out the newscaster solemnly giving out details of her death and reactions from Twitter filled up the bottom part of the screen, I was taken aback by how much I was affected by this news. I hugged your sleeping form tight and had to make a Herculean effort to blink back tears. 

And I wondered why? What triggered this response? 

As everyone knows, I am a cynic. And slightly unemotional. I don't believe I can change the world. And I am okay with that.    
Today, I was confronted by the thought - for the first time in my life - that my cynicism could be cowardice. In fact, it is cowardice. 
When I talk about protest marches being ineffective, I mean I am uneasy going where there is a risk of some crazy neta ordering a lathi charge. When I say how voting one party out would mean more of the same from another party, I am actually saying that I don't want to waste a holiday standing in queue. When I say death penalty for rapists is not the answer, the truth is I don't know what the answer is. And maybe I don't want to find out. 
And you know the bigger problem, Baby? I am in a majority. 
An overwhelming majority of us are exactly like this and we spend our outrage through a few jokes on Twitter. We don't vote. We don't go to protests. We don't fight. We don't want to change the world. Because it never happens to us. 

I don't know what made me react differently this time. 
Was it the fact the girl was returning from Select Citywalk, where we go so often? 
Was it because she watched Life Of Pi, that we have been meaning to watch for some time now? 
Or was it because of her first reaction when she regained consciousness - "I want to live"? 

Either way, I was gutted because I did not know the answer to the question I have to answer. 
In another twenty years, you will also be twenty-three. You will also go out in the evenings. You will go for movies. Hell, I want you to go for movies and plays and concerts. My fear, my terror, my gut-wrenching panic stems from the thought that if I am not able to change the world in these twenty years, what will happen to you? 
But the question really is - if I am not able to change myself in these twenty years, what will happen to you? 

Love -
Baba

2012: My Favourites

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Wogay, enough of being depressed about life. I realised if I didn't start feeling happy, I will probably die of an imploded brain. And what better way to feel happy than to recap what is easily the second best year of movies in my lifetime. (The best year was 1975  but I don't recall seeing any movies that year.)
And not only did I recap my favourite movies this year, I went through my favourite songs, books and - for good measure - my favourite blog posts as well.

So, here are my 5 favourites in each category.

Obituaries
Don't think I am being morbid. These are some of my (and your) favourite people. When you read the obituaries of these cool people who moved on, you will realise they have left behind enough memories to last us a lifetime.

Sharmila Tagore wrote an affectionate tribute to her most successful co-star in Hindustan Times. Reminiscing about their famed pairing, she ended with a wonderfully apt allusion to his most iconic role. 
Read it here.  

My friend Abhishek (Mukherjee) wrote a beautiful tribute to Sunil Gangopadhyay, Bengali literature's enfant terrible (when he started off) and kind-of-Godfather (when he passed away). More than his literary output, it captured the emotions around Sunil really well. 
Read it here

Noted film critic Sukanya Verma wrote about the King of Romance, with a few deft personal touches. Lovely, it was. 
Read it here
While you are it, you might as well see this clip. If the world ended in 2012, this is how I would have liked to spend the last 2:25 minutes. 

Gursimranjit Khamba - a stand-up comic - remembered 'Bhatti-sir', a man whose humour inspired him. Most of us are all still able to sing the title song of Flop Show. That, I think, is our tribute to Jaspal Bhatti.
Read it here.

The last one is not a death in the literal sense. And yet for me, something died.
Yesterday when I saw India 20/4 on the TV screen, I squinted - out of reflex -to see if it was Sachin on the non-striker's end. Sachin Tendulkar retired from one-day cricket and my childhood died with that.
Two great tributes marked this end.
Arnab Ray (a.k.a. Greatbong) wrote "Sachin was us and we were Sachin", which pretty much summed up the emotions. (Here)
Siddhartha Vaidyanathan (a.k.a. Sidvee) wrote "He was, and will remain, your Model T", which pretty much summed up the memories. (Here)

Posts (Blogs et al)
Not all posts in this list - the most difficult to compile and most susceptible to misses - are on 'blogs'. They are on a variety of places and that makes them even more fun. Once you get to the blogs, do read everything else on offer there.

Jai Arjun Singh wrote about the Ten Trailblazers of Indian Cinema (for Vogue India) and to my mind, he did not include that one person who he couldn't have - himself.
Read it here.

Beth Watkins (who LovesBollywood) discovered Soumitra, Satyajit and Bengali cinema this year (though not necessarily in that order). Her review of Goopy Gyne Bagha Byne is representative of her 'study' this year.
Read it here.

Abhishek attempted to take The Legend to a larger audience. He. Started. Translating. The. Dialogues. Of. Gunda.
*Dramatic Pause*
Read. It. Here.

When The Best Hindi Movie is here, can the Best Hindi Movie Songs be far behind? Vaibhav Vishal selected ten of the best and the post went - what marketers call - viral.
Read it here.

At a time when Delhi was the most maligned city in the country, Diligent Candy declared herself to be a diwani and bared her soul about this magnificent yet maligned city. 
It was not a blogpost but a collection of tweets, storified here

Honourable Mention: I first thought I will not include her blog because she is my cousin. But then, I realised that neither am I Macmohan and nor is she Raveena Tandon vying for National Awards that I will do all this faux-objectivity. If you want to know what makes Bengalis tick, you have to have to HAVE TO read Parama's post on Bong-ness.

Movies
I had to spend several agonising hours to make this list of 5. I could have taken the easy way out and done top ten but that would have taken the fun out of it. What's the fun of making lists if you don't have to keep some good ones out? 

5. English Vinglish
Sridevi's comeback film beat Shanghai to reach the fifth spot because of one deft touch. (Yes, that's how close it was.) When Sridevi walked out of the movie hall, she passed by a poster of a Clark Gable-Ava Gardner movie. The movie was Mogambo. 

4. Vicky Donor
"Yeh tera Pishi jo hai... yeh cat hain ya dog?" 
Ayushman Khurana brought Lajpat Nagar right into my CR Park sensibilities and made me feel overly protective of Yami Gautam. But then, his uncle charmed me with the light-bulb dance at the Punju-Bong wedding. And his mother floored me with her evening drinking sessions.

3. Gangs of Wasseypur I & II
When Gangs of Wasseypur comes in at No. 3, it is indicative of the quality of the year's cinematic output. Juxtaposing the cultural icons of our childhood with a Godfather-like tale of passion and retribution,  Anurag Kashyap created the benchmark of 'cult' in Bollywood. As a trivia-buff, I can only smack my lips at the many nuggets that are sure to be unearthed during multiple viewings.
Easy Peasy Trivia Quiz: What connects Dil To Paagal Hai, Kasam Paida Karne Wale Ki and Kahaani Sharabi Aurat Ki? 

2. Bhooter Bhabishyat
When I first watched the film, my first reaction was "If Parasuram had written the script for Khosla Ka Ghosla, and Satyajit Ray had directed it, it would have been Bhooter Bhabishyat."
I stand by that.

1. Kahaani
I know it is probably not the best film of the year but this is not the National Awards. It is my list of favourites and I did not like anything this year more than the South Indian wife of a Bengali man who was lost in the most beautiful city in the world. If people can go through life without dining at Mocambo, I am sure they can get by without liking Kahaani also. Though, I can't do that.

Books
I planned to read 52 books in 2012. I ended up with about 30ish - which was not bad since I wasted inordinately large amounts of time on Twitter and Temple Run. The 2013 resolution is to reach very close to 52.

5. Dongri to Dubai: Six Decades of Mumbai Mafia (S Hussain Zaidi)
A brilliant retelling of the history of crime in Bombay from the 'honorable' days to the 1990s bloodbath to the present uneasy calm, told from the vantage point of the city's best-known crime journalist. Unputdownable.

4. Joseph Anton (Salman Rushdie)
What threatened to be a boring account of an author in hiding turned out to be a gripping account of a father separated from his son, a Muslim defending his position among people of his faith, an author wanting to write freely and a man facing the unreasonableness of this unfair world.

3. The Mine (Arnab Ray)
I don't think I will be able to read this book again. The raw material with which the author created the horror was from our daily lives, giving it a jaggedness that was just too much for me to bear once more. I remember sitting in my dark bedroom after finishing the book and have a feeling of doom engulf me. I only came out of that abyss when I reminded myself I went to the same college as the author.

2. Deep Focus: Reflections on Cinema (Satyajit Ray)
Translations of Satyajit Ray's thoughts/writings/reflections on cinema makes for wonderful reading, even if you are not a cine-enthusiast. The man writes so lucidly and thinks so clearly that you can read them as lesson in English, if not lessons in cinema.

1. Kitnay Aadmi Thay: Completely Useless Bollywood Trivia
For obvious - and blatantly shameless - reasons, this has got to be my most favourite book of 2012. In fact, this is my most favourite book ever.
Known people, unknown people, relatives, friends, colleagues, critics just adopted this book - making it my happiest memory of 2012. I read somewhere "It's hard to do a really good job on anything you don't think about in the shower". Thank you all, for making me think about KAT again and again in the shower.

Have a great 2013.

13 Burman, Mera Burman

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A man died on this day, nineteen years back. I sometimes feel India wouldn't have dance parties or maybe even FM radio stations if not for Sachin Dev Burman's son. To remember Boss on his death anniversary, I thought I will list down twelve of my favourites. How did I arrive/stop at thirteen? It is 2013, silly. And I cut off my fingers after thirteen. How else?

No explanations. No reasons. In no particular order. Here are my favourites from Rahul Dev Burman. Enjoy!

Aap ki aankhon mein - Ghar
Quite tragically, this song is from a movie about a woman who was raped on her way back from a movie. And her eyes held fragrant mysteries.






Aanewala pal - Golmaal
A fleeting moment is about to leave and it is up to us to create a memory out of it, before it is gone forever.





Aao twist karein - Bhoot Bangla
The classical wizardry of Manna Dey was given a 'twist' by Sachin-karta's 'modern' song. And there was no looking back.





Deewana mujhsa nahin - Teesri Manzil
Teesri Manzil is a perfect album. And in between the jazz and rock'n'roll, there was this dulcet, romantic number. Dreamy.






Ek ladki ko dekha - 1942 A Love Story
A beautiful girl was described in twenty-one lines. Actually, the girl wasn't described. Her lover's feelings were. And we all fell in love with him, all over again.





Humne tumko dekha - Khel Khel Mein
Sometimes I think if there has to be a face of RD's music, it is Rishi Kapoor.






Kya hua tera vaada - Hum Kisi Se Kum Nahin
I wish marketers understand that 'youth' is not always happy. Sometimes, the young are sad. And sometimes, even a middle-aged Mohd Rafi can be the voice of the young.





Mera kuch saamaan - Ijaazat
One hundred and sixteen moonlit nights. Some false promises. The scent of wet henna. One genius composer. Please return them to me.






Pyar humein kis mod pe - Satte Pe Satta
There comes a time in every (male) college hostel when a newcomer feels unbearably lonely and homesick. Only five words can bring him back from the brink - "Chalo, ladkiyonko leke aate hain!"





Pyar karne waale - Shaan
Doston, zindagi haseen hai. Lekin sirf unke liye jinho ne pyaar kiya hain. Kyunki pyaar karne waale jaante hain aan baan aur shaan se jeena kisse kehte hain...


Masterji ki aa gayi chitthi- Kitaab
I know of no other lyricist who can weave words like VIP underwear baniyan and kachhua chhaap agarbatti in a film song. I know of no other composer who can use a school desk as the main (only?) musical instrument in a film song.

Tere bina zindagi se- Aandhi
Even without you, I have no complaints about life. But without you, can you call it a life. Sentimental fans can say these words truthfully about RD.





Tujhse naraaz nahin - Masoom
I am not angry with you, Life, merely baffled. Why did you let RD go when he was only 54?




1990: Still A Love Story

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A long time back, I had written about all – well, almost all – the films released in the year I turned 18. The sequel (prequel, to be precise) was a long time in the making but a lot of fun!
Here are all the films of 1990 – the year I turned 16, a two decades in the making blockbuster. Like the earlier time, I have depended on my memory only and that explains the large holes in the narrative. Please feel free to add your tidbits.  
  1. Aaj Ka Arjun– Amitabh Bachchan was on bit of a soft wicket as he never managed a real superhit after Shahenshah in ’87. And KC Bokadia’s tale of a village simpleton turning into a vigilante against Amrish Puri did not look like a winner. But it turned out to be a sleeper hit as AB serenaded Jaya Prada to Bappi Lahiri’s tunes and leaped off rooftops as screams broke out in theatres. 
  2. Aaj Ke Shahenshah – I don’t know what you say. I don’t know what to say.
  3. Aashiqui– Mahesh Bhatt crossed over to the ‘dark side’ with his first unabashedly filmi love story starring two newcomers who were as wooden as an Ikea store. What a comedown it would have been from Arth. Read all about Mahesh Bhatt’s films here.   
  4. Agneepath– One of the many movies I love to death. Illogically. Don’t tell me you haven’t read this post.  
  5. Amba– Shabana Azmi played Anil Kapoor’s mother in this tale about simple villagers trying to fight for their survival in the big, bad city. What else?
  6. Anjali– The dubbed version of Mani Ratnam’s Tamil tearjerker classic had Raghuvaran and Revathy angsting over their youngest daughter’s terminal illness. The film was loaded with precocious children on a rampage and the three main ones won National Awards for their roles. 
  7. Apmaan Ki Aag – Can say this with a fair degree of confidence: This movie did not release in Calcutta.  
  8. Awaaragardi – This was a love triangle involving Kimi Katkar. I know this for certain. The rest, even Kimi doesn’t know.  
  9. Awaargi– Who better than Govinda and Anil Kapoor to play roles in a film called Vagabonds? Add a love triangle with Meenakshi Sheshadri and you have an eminently forgettable Mahesh Bhatt film. Ho gaya? Chalo, ab aage badho. 
  10. Awwal Number– A classic of the ‘so bad that its actually good’ genre has made repeated appearances on this blog (and my book), most notably as an iconic sports movie as well as a relic from Aamir Khan’s pre-ponderous age. It had him, Aditya Pancholi and Dev Anand battling terrorists, Australia and each other. They could have called this movie – with no irony – 3 Idiots
  11. Bahaar Aane Tak– A person by the name of Tariq Shah followed illustrious filmmaker-actors like Guru Dutt and Raj Kapoor as he directed himself in this film, also starring Moonmoon Sen and Roopa Ganguly. He also had a sidekick in the form of Sumit Saighal. Sigh! I would give a lot if somebody could erase these memories from my brain and create some free space. 
  12. Bhabhi– Bhanupriya was Govinda’s bhabhi in this movie. Or was it Madhavi? Then what was Juhi Chawla doing in this film? Could she have been the title role? Oh – fuggedaboudit! 
  13. C.I.D. – Long before Inspector Pradyuman came on to the scene, we had CID Inspector Vinod Khanna taking up arms against underworld dons like Kiran Kumar. Juhi Chawla and Amrita Singh were both in the film but I forget who the heroine was and who died in the crossfire. I only remember Aftab Shivdasani as a child actor.      
  14. Deewana Mujhsa Nahin–In Aamir Khan’s only bespectacled role, he was fashion photographer who did a bloody good job of stalking supermodel Madhuri Dixit good-naturedly. While she was oblivious of his presence, he was convinced of their eventual marriage. Yawn! 
  15. Dil– Another Aamir-Madhuri starrer, which brought back Aamir from the dead! Box office death, I meant as he explained to Madhuri – since it is topical now – the difference between ‘fake rape’ and ‘real rape’.   
  16. Disha– An arthouse film about villagers moving from poverty in the village to poverty in the city. One character (Nana Patekar?) had two sons called Jeetendra and Amitabh!
  17. Drishti– Govind Nihalini’s film about a woman’s (Dimple Kapadia) extra-marital affair also starred Shekhar Kapur and had mind-blowing music by Kishori Amonkar. A bit slow in development of plot but quite interesting all the same.    
  18. Dushman– Long before Kajol, Mithun starred in a movie called Dushman. And to kill all the dushmans in the world, his name in the film was 
  19. Ghar Ho To Aisa– Actually, koi bhi ghar aisa nahin hona chahiye. Bindu the evil mother-in-law gave her docile daughter-in-law (Deepti Naval) hell while her son (Raj Kiran) looked on balefully. The younger son (Anil Kapoor) – when not romancing Meenakshi Sheshadri – tried to correct the injustice, with limited effect. When we said ‘social’ in the 1990s, we meant silly movies like this one.   
  20. Ghayal– This film proved two things about Sunny Deol. One, he can carry off revenge roles very well. Two, his nostrils are wide enough for Frontier Mail to pass through. Rajkumar Santoshi’s first major hit had Sunny Deol shifting from a Lambada-singing youth to a muscle-flexing retributionist. A role, which Filmfare felt, was a better display of histrionics than Amitabh Bachchan in Agneepath. Sigh!
  21. Gunahon Ka Devta– I haven’t seen this film and the next one. I don’t remember anything about them either. But if they don’t star Mithun, I will change my name to Himesh.  
  22. Humse Na Takrana– see above.
  23. Izzatdaar– Dilip Kumar was falsely implicated in a murder and sent to prison by his son-in-law Raghuvaran. He came out and started to take revenge, was assisted by a general tapori (Govinda). Govinda also romanced Madhuri Dixit in his ample spare time.  
  24. Jamai Raja– Just when Anil Kapoor and Madhuri Dixit were being touted as the It Couple, came this film where the masala became Anil’s super-filmi verbal duel with his mother-in-law, Hema Malini. I don’t remember anything except the film except this hilarious exchange where the entire dialogue was constructed out of films starring Anil and Hema!    
  25. Jawani Zindabad– Aamir Khan with Farah, Javed Jaffrey and assorted college-goers. An anti-dowry message in the mayhem.   
  26. Jurm– One more from Mahesh Bhatt’s assembly line copies of Hollywood, this one also had a copy of the 500 Miles song. Meenakshi Sheshadri coped with Vinod Khanna’s shenanigans with Sangeeta Bijlani while murders happened all around them.
  27. Kafan– If anyone can prove conclusively that this movie released in Calcutta, I will change the name of this blog to Calcutta Kafan. (*terms & conditions apply)
  28. Kali Ganga– Dimple was a wronged woman, who became a dacoit. Suresh Oberoi was a police officer but fell in love with her. They sang a song in the rain. Is this that movie or am I confusing with something else?  
  29. Karz Chukana Hai – While this movie starred Govinda and Juhi, it actually belonged to Kader Khan. He played a crooked, kaamchor alcoholic who spent his entire life living off others but eventually reformed to chukao his karz and die a valiant death. Yeah, I know – crap!
  30. Kasba– In a vague bid to enhance his reputation, Shatrughan Sinha (in the late 1980s and early 1990s) acted in a few art films like Gautam Ghosh’s Antarjali Yatra and this one. And for all his efforts, we only remember that Mita Vashisht had a topless scene in this film!    
  31. Kaun Kare Kurbani– Who cares who starred in this movie? I know – with 100% confidence – that this was directed/produced by Arjun Hingorani who took Rakesh Roshan and Karan Johar’s K fixation to the third degree. His other movies are Kab? Kyon? Kahaan?, Kahani Kismat Ki, Katilon Ka Katil, Khel Khiladi Ka and Kingkong Ka Karnama. (Snigger.)  
  32. Khilaaf - Poor boy (Chunky Pandey) falls in love with rich girl (Madhuri Dixit) who was about to married off to some villainous brat by her father. Ho hum. 
  33. Kishen Kanhaiya– Yet another film about long-lost twins growing up to be diametrically opposite characters. The aggressive Anil Kapoor wooed Madhuri Dixit in filmi style. The docile one stared at Shilpa Shirodkar’s cleavage with a hangdog expression. And don’t forget the hit song – Suit boot mein aaya Kanhaiya band bajaane ko!  
  34. Krodh– You have two musclemen (Sunny Deol and Sanjay Dutt) pummeling goons, escaping from prisons and hanging from the chassis of trucks and all I remember is Amitabh Bachchan singing (in Mohammed Aziz’s voice!) – Mohammed Rafi tum bade yaad aaye!
  35. Lekin– Gulzar wrote the lyrics for the haunting music by Hridaynath Mangeshkar in a film produced by his elder sister. Vinod Khanna was the surveyor who ran into an ethereal beauty (Dimple Kapadia) in some ruins and went into history with her. When you realize that Dimple never blinked during the entire movie, you also wake up to the fact that the ethereal beauty is not real. 
  36. Mahasangram– Mukul Anand directed this supposed big budget saga. But then, how big budget can you get with Govinda and Vinod Khanna?
  37. Nakabandi– For fans of adrenalin, I give you this. Dara Singh was the father of Dharmendra. And they were truck drivers. And their sworn enemy was Amrish Puri. Kaboom!  
  38. Paap Ki Kamaai– Screw it. I am getting Govinda vibes from this one. Or am I confusing this will Halaal Ki Kamaai? Oh, screw it.
  39. Pati Patni Aur Tawaif– This is one of the worst films I have ever watched. Enough said. Read about it here.   
  40. Patthar Ke Insaan– WTF? WFT? FWT? FTW? TWF? TFW?
  41. Patthar Ke Phool– Everything Salman touched at this point was supposed to turn into gold. Add to that a brilliant discovery called Raveena Tandon and you had a sure-fire winner. SP Balasubramaniam screamed out hits like Tum ko jo dekhte hi pyaar hua kabhi Linking Road, kabhi Peddar Roadbut somehow this film never hit box-office gold as it was expected. And Ravi + Veena Tandon’s daughter had to wait till Mohrafor her first superhit!
  42. Police Public– Raaj Kumar was a CID officer, who travelled to murder locations with his Alsation perched on his car’s roof! Naseeruddin Shah was the corrupt, local cop. A politician’s daughter-in-law had been murdered and there was bombastic dialogue all around. If you want high-quality detection, go read Agatha Christie.   
  43. Pratibandh– Telugu superstar Chiranjeevi debuted in Hindi as the foul-mouthed, orphaned police officer who was brought up by an idealistic school-teacher (who went on to become the Chief Minister). The film was an orgy of violence starring the Most Unexpressive Villain in Cinematic History – Rami Reddy playing Spot Nana. Juhi Chawla tried to bring in a bit of cheer but she died as did everybody else.    
  44. Pyar Ka Devata
  45. Pyar Ka Karz
  46. Pyar Ke Naam Qurban - Pyaar, pyaar, pyaar… chahiye thoda pyaar, thoda pyaar chahiye! Three killer movies of which I have no recollection. So I tried to bring in a bit of a musical interlude.
  47. Raaizaada- Okay, make that four killer movies of which I have no recollection. 
  48. Roti Ki Keemat– What Vijay is to Amitabh and Raj/Rahul is to SRK, Shankar is to Mithun. Mithun was again Shankar who provided roti for street kids by stealing, ably assisted by the considerable assets of Kimi Katkar till he was disturbed by the ever-dependable-in-these-circumstances Sadashiv Amrapurkar. Adding masala in the fray was Police Commissioner Pran who was the separated-at-childhood father of one of the three characters mentioned above. Guess who?     
  49. Sailaab– A contract killer with amnesia. A doctor who treats him. And Madhuri Dixit in a yellow fisherwoman’s costume. What would you rather remember? 
  50. Shandaar– One nos. rocking movie with Mithun-da in which Yaadon Ka Baaraat met Deewaar met Ilaka met 90s cookie-cutter. While this movie will not qualify as a multi-starrer under any circumstances, it would be worthwhile to note it had THREE heroines – Mandakini, Juhi Chawla and Meenakshi Sheshadri – in a triveni sangam of Barbie meets Savitri emotions.  
  51. Sher Dil– Dharmendra. Was this one of those movies in which Dharmendra just looked for an excuse to get cosy with Anita Raaj?  
  52. Swarg– Much before AB did Baghban, Rajesh Khanna got thrown out by his kids after his business tanked and there was only a servant (Govinda) who helped him. And to give Govinda a legitimate reason to dance, he was turned into a filmstar (who managed to do that with his master’s help) wearing shiny pants, silver shoes and Juhi Chawla on his arm.   
  53. Taqdeer Ka TamashaMemory Ka Tamacha. Kuch yaad nahin aa raha hai.
  54. Thanedaar– One of the last milestones of the brothers-separated-at-birth theme, this had Jeetendra and Sanjay Dutt as the two brothers. Just in case the story felt a little too thin for the three-hour running time, they added a mistaken identity twist as well. To get cover pages of filmy mags, the affair between Madhuri Dixit and Sanjay Dutt was leaked. And in one final twist, Bappi Lahiri cried blue murder when Hum (to be released next year) also copied the same song as he did. He had to be explained “I copied it first” was not going to be a valid reason to stop Jumma Chumma. Anyhow, Tamma tamma logeturned out to be quite a chartbuster by itself! 
  55. Thodasa Rumani Ho Jaye– Amol Palekar directed this film about a stranger (Nana Patekar) who comes to a town and starts performing miracles. He romances Anita Kanwar ad is all milk and honey but there is a niggling doubt that all is not well about him. Is this the real story or am I making it up?
 Okay, I am done. There are so many movie I could not remember. Any takers for them? 

My Growing Up With Movies

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This tweet inspired a thought or two that led to the post. As I went through the responses, I realised I needed to put a framework (Shit, what an MBA I am!) to arrive at a favourite director of my growing up years.

First, what were my growing up years?
My definition for them is the period between when I turned a teenager (1987) to my graduation from college (1997). My busiest, most passionate movie watching happened in these ten years and the movies I watched were the ones that ended up shaping my life, my choices, my taste. (I am just glad I watched all the Ray movies in this period along with others.)

Second, how to decide on a favourite director in a given period?
One way is to just remember the highest emotional boost of that period and just go with the director who provided that. By that logic, Mansoor Khan deserves to win for giving me Veer bahadur ladke kaun? Rajput! Rajput! But tragically, he gave us just three films and the third of those was a rather direct lift from a Hollywood classic, that too not made too well.
I looked at a few filmmakers who churned out a slightly higher number of movies in this 1987-97 period
I also put Yash Chopra out of contention by putting him in the Hall of Fame because my favourite films of his were made much before this period, when I was a toddler. This period saw him making Lamhe - which again is that one emotional high that justifies his inclusion but then Parampara and Dil To Pagal Hai are hardly 'glorious childhood memory' material.
I am going by the number of favourite films a director has churned out in this period to figure out that one man who has entertained me the most while I was growing up. Quite obviously, each of these directors had a movie that created a tremendous first impression, followed by a blow-your-mind-to-smithereens period before he did a heartbreak movie that ended his spell.

We should start with Subhash Ghai, the much touted showman of the industry.
At the edge of this period, he made Karma that had a super-high moment for me ("Thappad ki goonj...") but ended with a laughable sequence in which Dilip Kumar drew a map of India around Anupam Kher with machine gun bullets. Nevertheless, it was a rousing movie and it seemed to be a promising  start.
He followed it up with Ram Lakhan that was a never-ending buffet of Bollywood masala served by memorable characters like Ram, Lakhan, Deodhar and Kesariya Vilayati urf BAD MAN. Even before I could finish burping, there came Saudagar with the most high-octane dialogue I had heard in a long while. And then he gave us Khalnayak. What Sanjay Dutt's stylised retardation took away from the movie, Madhuri Dixit gave back in bountiful measure and made it a memorable experience.
At the end of 1997, he made Pardes - which pushed SRK towards stardom but I wasn't impressed by it. For me, it was the beginning of the slide that eventually led to Kisna and Yuvvraj.  
Adrenaline Shots: 4

That brings us to the other Subhash, who had such a rollicking run in the late 1980s that his movie has now been in immortalised by Anurag Kashyap in his history of Wasseypur.
B Subhash had made his grand entry into Bollywood big league with Disco Dancer (though that was in 1982) and followed it up with Kasam Paida Karne Wale Ki in 1984. Both were instrumental in making Mithun Chakraborty a all-singing-all-dancing-all-shining superstar. After that, he made a superstar out of Kimi Katkar with Tarzan. In my mind, these three movies are notionally part of my growing up years though they are out of the ten years I just defined.
What he did make in that ten year period was Dance Dance, which was probably a bigger hit than Disco Dancer and has spawned crazy commentary like this. He repeated his lead cast (Mithun - Mandakini) in Commando, which seems to be a huge hit only in my mind.
He abandoned Mithun after that and tried to hitch his fortune to the teeny-bopper romance bandwagon that was chugging all over Bollywood. He signed The Hottest Pair in town - Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla - for Love Love Love that failed almost before it released. He tried to make a comeback on a sleaze trail with Divine Lovers and Classic Dance Of Love (with Mithun) but the light had gone out of our lives.  
Adrenaline Shots: 2 (real), 5 (cheating)


Rajkumar Santoshi occupies a huge part of my memory during the growing up years but strangely, his output during the defined years is limited.
He burst on to the scene with Ghayal (BALWANT RAI KE KUTTE!!!) and grabbed my attention (at least mine) with a second half that was the tighest and the fastest in Bollywood of that period. I remember reading somewhere that a song was inserted on distributor insistence and that song was the only false note in the second half. His infatuation with Meenakshi Shesadri led to Damini, where Sunny Deol stole the show as the Super Lawyer Govind. Again, Damini had very little song and dance but was memorable enough to have rape victims in 2012 being named after that (though erroneously). After this serious social exploration, Rajkumar Santoshi directed Andaz Apna Apna - of which no more needs to be said. I am inclined to count AAA as two films because it is almost criminal too me that I had so much enjoyment from a single movie.
After that, he directed Bobby Deol's debut - Barsaat - known only for Kumar Sanu's nasal hits (Hnumkon snirf tnumkon pnyaar hainnn...) and Ghatak (the biopic of eccentric Bengali filmmaker, Ritwik) starring the voluminous Sunny. China Gate (in 1998) was only a partial redemption.


Adrenaline Shots: 3 (logical), 4 (emotional)

Rajiv Rai revived his father's illustrious banner (Trimurti Films, which produced some of Yash Chopra's best films) with Tridev. Starting from the echoic opening announcement ("Paap se dharti phati phati phati...") to the eve-teaser anthem ("Oye Oye...") to the elaborate plotting to a villain called Bhujangg, Tridev was the masala movie teenagers lived for. He followed it up with a 'spiritual sequel' - Vishwatma, almost an identical plot mounted more lavishly (read: extensive overseas shooting). But despite the grandeur and Divya Bharti, it did not match its predecessor's punch. 
Quite improbably, Rajiv Rai broke his own record with Mohra that was a mega-hit (and the first major hit in Raveena Tandon's reasonably extended career). While everyone sang Tu cheez badi hai mast mast (a more literal commodification of women hasn't happened in Bollywood), connoisseurs would remember Mohra for the Hottest Rain Song Ever Filmed. Don't tell me your consciousness wasn't engulfed by the yellow when you first saw THAT song. After Mohra, came Gupt - of which much has been said but nothing encapsulates the craze around the movie better than those four words... 
KAJOL WAS THE MURDERER!
After that, Rajiv Rai received death threats, married Sonam and (presumably) lost interest in filmmaking. His later films (after 1997, though) were far from memorable. 

Adrenaline Shots: 4

Mukul S Anand made his lukewarm entrance with Mahasangram, whose name was quite hyperbolic and over-promised on the potential of the Govinda-Vinod Khanna starrer.
His next film - Agneepath - was not. For the first time, Amitabh Bachchan threw away the superstar mask and showed us what a great actor he could be. I have wasted kilobytes after megabytes of space describing the emotional highs of the film and I will desist from repeating them. Just when we thought Mukul Anand was likely to become an offbeat director, he directed Hum - the slickest superstar vehicle, that was almost too good to be true.  And he completed his Grandeur Of Amitabh Trilogy with Khuda Gawah, whose opening Bouzkashi scene was worth the price of admission.

With such a dynamite CV, he went to direct a film produced by Subhash Ghai. Trimurti - starring three of the biggest stars of the industry - flopped miserably and (people say) aggravated the director's heart troubles. He passed away in the middle of shooting Dus, a terrorist saga (which had no connection to the movie of the same name that eventually got made).
Adrenaline Shots: 3

That brings me to the man with the maximum number of indescribable highs during my growing up decade - Ram Gopal Verma. Younger fans of Hindi cinema would find it almost unbelievable that for a decade, RGV could do almost no wrong and even his follies turned out to be hugely enjoyable.
RGV burst on to the scene with Shiva - the ultra-violent tale that started with college politics and zigzagged into vigilante justice. Even Nagarjuna's deadpan non-existence of acting skills did nothing to diminish the impact of the film. He followed it up with a horror film - Raat - that had the distinction of creating horror out of regular people and regular settings. Eschewing the layers of gory makeup, the dark nights and creaking doors (actually, he did use these), Ramu brought horror to our doorsteps.
One forgettable action flick (Drohi) later, RGV gave us a love triangle. Probably his most out of character movie, Rangeela showcased Urmila's oomph, Aamir's panache and Jackie's muted charisma so brilliantly that it is still etched in my mind.
Officially, Daud was a flop but the zaniness of the film transcended box office statistics. With a villain called Pinky, a sidekick called Chacko-ji and a heroine whose shapely hot pants-encrusted derriere was exhibited with childish glee, Daud was a laugh-riot. His next movie was Satya, acknowledge almost universally as the definitive gangster movie of Bollywood. It established RGV as a force to reckon with and gave him the muscle to work on really offbeat themes with debutant directors and writers. In short, Satya was the benchmark of cult classics.
Adrenaline Shots: 5

Interestingly, RGV's winning streak continued well beyond this period as he made Kaun (very different), Jungle (flawed but interesting), Company (a gangster classic) and Bhoot (a decent horror thriller). I feel he hit his first major disaster as late as 2004 with Naach but still redeemed himself with a brilliant Sarkar immediately after that. It is a crying shame that he hasn't even come remotely close to making a brilliant in the ensuing eight years.

So - ladies and gentlemen - that brings us to the end of my pseudo-intellectual ramblings to arrive at the filmmaker I enjoyed the most while I was growing up was Ram Gopal Verma.
Maverick. Mentor. What a pity he couldn't become a Moghul.

More Meta

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Enlightened souls who own a book called Kitnay Aadmi Thay would probably remember a chapter called Meta - about movies within movies. The rest of you, please buy the book. What are you waiting for - Valentine's Day?
I am now thinking of some other sorts of Meta... namely, self referencing of filmmakers and actors.

This train of thought started while watching Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar (a full-fledged post coming on that one!). When the final cycle race had started, the Rajput College's cause was espoused by sexy cheerleading by the Queen's College girls and "Kill Them Shekhar" banners were put up. The pajama chhaap Model had to make do with a smallish banner at the exit of the stadium. But it was a sweet reminder of the producer's past glory.

If you go back a bit and start thinking of such references, the first one that I could think of (thanks to Jai Arjun Singh) was the surreal phone conversation between Naseruddin Shah and Satish Kaushik, where they were both standing in the same room and at the point, even exchanged receivers! The code which kicked off the conversation was a character created by a friend of the director - Saeed Mirza. And yes, they described him as well. When Naseer said "Albert Pinto", Satish Kaushik asked, "Kaun? Woh dadhi wala?". Bwahahaha!



Zip back to the present day and you have a cute tribute paid to the best dancer of the Kapoor khandaan.
If only Student Of The Year had allowed the gay headmaster Yogendra Vashisht to shake some more leg, I would have surely gone and watched it for him. Just when the Radha song was becoming unbearable, we had Rishi Kapoor (around the 3 minute mark) powering in with a dafli and there was a jazzy interlude of the song from Sargam. And for the next minute or so, you just forgot those three zombies who seemed they had strayed from a Twilight movie set.




Then there was Hum Aapke Hain Koun... As Prem and Nisha were carrying on their saccharine sweet romance, they were also laying down the template for weddings in India in the coming century. A completely obscure 'ritual' of stealing the groom's shoes became of paramount importance as Salman Khan was despatched to attend a phone call (leaving the shoes in the able care of Wonder Dog Tuffy). The phone call was from Suman and her Baba. Prem asked "Maine pyar kiya tha? Pichhle janam mein..." harking back to an earlier birth, where Suman was indeed the centre of Prem's universe.


Coolie No. 1 had The Iconic Tapori Song - Main toh raste se jaa raha tha... 
But the song had an interesting interlude in the form of a reference to Govinda, Karisma and David Dhawan's earlier blockbuster - Raja Babu. The trio were slammed for the vulgarity, especially the Sarkailo khatiya song.
Watch the video (from about 2:40) where Govinda says "Maine jab sarkaii khatiya, aapko laga bada ghatiya..." and proceeds to take a dig at SRK (who had just found anti-hero stardom in Darr) by rationalising "Maine kisi ke dil mein chaku ghusaya nahin..." 
To my mind, this is a unique example of a director-actor team explaining an earlier film through a song that are not connected in any other way.

And as I write this post, a trailer of Zilla Ghaziabad comes on.
Sanjay Dutt says, "Yaad toh main Madhuri Dixit ko bhi karta hoon lekin woh aati hain kya?" Connoisseurs of the 90s would remember that Sanjay and Madhuri were an item (around the time Thaanedar released) and broke up after Sanjay was jailed for the AK-47 episode.
Now, all that is left for me is to hear Amitabh Bachchan refer to his kismat ki Rekha...

Which ones can you think of?

UPDATED TO ADD: From a discussion with Sukanya Verma, it has emerged that ALL of Andaz Apna Apna is one big self-reference. From Salman's Sholay reference to Aamir's Papa kehte they to Mehmood's Wah Wah Production - it is one big joke.
Just remind me, did we send that movie to the Oscars? No. See, we bloody deserve Singham.

College Songs

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When I was growing up, collegiate heroes of Bollywood used to bamboozle their heroines during the course of one great song before falling head over heels in love with them. The corridors of HS College of Arts & Commerce reverberated with jhankaar beats and corny lyrics, garnished with the heroes' machismo. We never blamed them for promoting commodification of women (Khambe jaisi khadi hai… Gasp!) because they were soon writing letters in blood and fighting Mukesh Rishi to win the hand of their lady love. Nowadays of course, all rapes are entirely the fault of Bollywood heroes who call their heroines mast cheez or similar.
I thought of listing down some of my favourite 'college songs' - a mix of flirtatious, romantic, attitude-exuding pieces. The musical quality of some of them is questionable. Some other's lyrics are a little dodgy. But the energy is quite amazing. 

Here goes... 

Humne tumko dekha - Khel Khel Mein
At the "Teenth (sic) Annual Function", Rishi Kapoor put on a muffler taller than himself, strummed a guitar and RD Burman took over from there. Actually, Rishi provided able support in the form of energetic dance moves while his future wife shook a mean leg too. Before the cute Khans, this Kapoor scion had put the 'teen' in teenybopper romances and boy, did we lap it up?  

The next three songs form a tribute to the 1990s, a decade nobody acknowledges in Bollywood. But I had the dubious fortune of being in college when hunks wooed damsels over benches and bunsen burners. 

Jisse dekh mera dil dhadkaPhool Aur Kaante
Ajay Devgan and Madhoo were the underdog pair, not-so-good looking in a decade where everyone was in love with chocolate box stars. Ajay entered the scene standing atop two zooming bikes and promptly dived in front of the heroine. As college students, we predicted the swift end of the hero's career and thought even Sunil Shetty was probably better. As I write this, Singham is playing on a music channel.
And I realise - to some horror and some happiness - that I remember most of the lyrics of this song.

Mera pant bhiDulara         
This song, I remember ALL the lyrics. I even remember the controversy. I also know that the Censor Board wanted to replace the offending word with fancy. Mera pant bhi fancy, mera shirt bhi fancy... sigh, just doesn't cut ice.
ALL TOGETHER NOW, SING WITH ME... Ek hain anaar yahan, kitne bimar yahan...

Khud ko kya samajhti hainKhiladi
One more of those 'commodification/semi-molestation' songs, this was redeemed by Akshay Kumar's acrobatic presence.
If you had told me then that Akhay Kumar would act in 786 Khiladi films one day, I would have referred you to a good psychiatrist.

Pappu Can’t Dance Saala – Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na 
After the trio of mid-90s masala, let me take a generation-crossing leap and land in South Bombay where a bunch of college-leaving kids were making fun of people who can't dance. Basically, the film's producer was making fun of Salman Khan.

Just as we are done with Imran Khan, we have to get to this mamu-jaan, who has been a college-goer for as long as he has been in movies. Two songs from the beginning of his career and two songs closer to the present day underline Aamir Khan's durability as a college-goer.

Papa Kehte HainQayamat Se Qayamat Tak
The situation of Pappu was similar to the Papa song but the magic was something else.
When my sister and I bought this cassette, we were quite alarmed as an instrumental piece played for nearly one minute (that seemed like five) and we wondered if we picked up the wrong album. Udit Narayan, Anand-Milind, Mansoor Khan all found their stardoms riding on Raj Singh's slender shoulders.
We all know Aamir's then-wife Reena was the giggling girl in the red dress. A Bollywood fan (Rohit Bajaj) recently told me that the girl next to her is Imran Khan's mother. Here is a recent picture of hers. You tell me if he is right or not. 

Yahan ke hum sikandar–  Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar 
When you are in college, you own the world. Period. This one thought made for this song (which - strictly speaking - is based in a school but don't be pedantic, okay?)

PathshaalaRang De Basanti
Sulphuric acid never fails to take us back to those long corridors, dank laboratories, stolen cigarettes and the confidence to change the world. The very cool open-air disco, the psychedelic music and the crazy lyrics... what wouldn't you give to get those when you were back in college?

Aal izz well3 Idiots
I watched the movie thrice in a theater and millions of times on DVD and YouTube but I don't tire of it. Probably because I can't get over the philosophy... bakra kya jaane uske jaan ka kya hoga, seekh ghusegi ya saala keema hoga? It was 100% accurate in college. The scary bit is that it is still that way!

And that brings us to what is my favourite college song. 
Jagadi jagadiShiva
Creating a brilliant mix of Botany with matinee and history with mystery, Raj Zutshi, Amala and their cohorts pulled off an unchoreographed mayhem with style. They even pulled out a farra and reminded us Supplementary ka shahenshah hai tu... Basically, they created a superb pseudo-college we all wanted to be in. Till, of course, Nagarjuna bent down and pulled out a cycle chain.
But it was great while it lasted.

Bonus Song: This song shouldn't be in the list because it is not part of any film. But then, it is not the composers' fault that the universe is incapable of producing a film that can contain the magic of a well-paced rod. I am just glad that I spent two years of my life breathing the same air as these magicians. [NSFW]


So, what do you have to offer by way of class participation?

Woo Kaun Thi?

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Mad Momma has suggested that I do a post on the differences between wooing and stalking - as elucidated by the doyens of Bollywood. Now, this is a sure-shot recipe for disaster since Bollywood is not really known for classy wooing (Think "tu cheez badi hai mast mast...") and sophisticated examples are few and far between.
But one must look at Bollywood's message in its entirety.

Let me explain.
To start, I will take two scenes with identical dialogues from a universal favourite - Dil Chahta Hai.
In the first scene, Akash - an incorrigible flirt - accosts a simple girl (clearly not in familiar territory) and almost bulldozes her for a dance. And while doing so, he subtly mocks her with a faux-romantic dialogue.
In the second scene, Akash - now a better man - walks into Shalini's wedding and asks for her hand in marriage. He has been a bit of a lout all through the movie and didn't 'woo' her at any point of time. Walking into a lawn full of hostile people, getting down on his knees and proposing to her is - what I consider - very courageous wooing.
If you take Akash's behaviour for about three-fourths of the film, he is a jerk. But he reforms. And how.

Let me try again, with an even more difficult-to-defend example.
I just spoke about Phool Aur Kaante in my earlier post. The famous song which focuses almost entirely on the heroine's thighs and breasts while the hero gleefully stalks her, shames her and almost molests her. If the Anti-Rape bill had turned out as it should have, Ajay Devgn would have been jail for that song.
HOWEVER.
See this song, one more hour into the movie. The hero leaves his millionaire father's house to marry the aforementioned girl. He marries her. He doesn't force himself upon her during the suhaag raat. He appears suitably smitten and (in an exaggerated, filmy sort of way) takes care of her when she is pregnant. He even shares the child-rearing (in an antiseptic, problem free sort of way). This is also a sort of wooing (though not what I would call among the best of Bollywood).
Please don't nitpick by saying catching your falling wife is not really taking care of her. Or, swaying a baby isn't really rearing him. Remember, this is a movie which uses simple symbols to depict complicated things. 
Anyway, my point is that the movie doesn't stop at showing a molester/eve-teaser. They show the guy finally transforming into a sensitive husband. If the logic is people get 'inspired' by Bollywood and stalk girls, then they should also be inspired enough to become a dutiful husband. That, somehow, never catches people's attention.

Hell - before this degenerates into some kind of defending-Sanjay-Dutt kind of gig, let me quickly list out some of my favourite wooing scenes from Bollywood. I have tried to avoid songs, which is the staple mode of expressing love.
Here goes in chronological order...

A poet-cum-musician is suspected of throwing a woman down from the teesri manzil - by the woman's sister. He should keep as far away from this girl as possible but you know what they say about moths and flames, don't you? He says I know you will kill me but I will still be right behind you. And before they sang that wonderful song, he said a few wonderful words. Watch it.

The virginal prostitute of Amar Prem sang like an angel. Just when she had started a song - Raina beet jaye - a drunkard walked in. He didn't seem the type to frequent kothas. He underlined his difference from her other customers when he asked her to sing. Never in the history of cinema has a woman been wooed with just two words... Gaaiye na.

The romantic (probably Bengali) Anand Babu of Amar Prem transformed into a garrulous Dilli-wala in Anand, never shy of taking his Bengali friend's case. When his poetic friend tried a few lines about the ocean and sky merging on his girlfriend, he broke the mood by calling him a hypocrite for taking too long to woo her!! This scene stands as one of my favourites because the good doctor demonstrated his sensitive side beautifully while talking about Anand's impending death. He wasn't consciously wooing but the girl got wooed. Subtle, sensitive.

The good doctor gave up his reticence in the next few years. While trying to steal a diamond necklace, he bumped into a gorgeous woman. The woman stunned him by popping the diamond necklace into his pocket. He - then - did a double-barreled wooing. First, he proved his thieving mettle by stealing the necklace right out of the police dragnet. And then he broke his silence with a line that stole her heart.
(While we are in the AB zone, we might as well see what DOES NOT work.)

It would be interesting to point what does work from Chashme Buddoor itself.
The cute Siddharth Parashar let a detergent salesgirl into his flat and suffered a full demo of Chamko. To put her at ease, he put on the radio, explained that he put Gandhi pics on walls (and not bikini ones) and finally confessed that he had given clean clothes for her to wash. The impression he made became apparent when the girl gave pretty intricate details about her whereabouts every evening. Sweet.
I will not link this scene. Go and watch it in the theatre when it re-releases on 5th April!

NOT PART OF THE LIST ALERT:
Yash Chopra knows a thing or two about wooing. Or not.
In Chandni, the hero hired a helicopter to shower petals on her. And promptly crashed to become paralysed. In Darr, the heroine was wooed with a brilliant song by an unseen admirer. Who turned into a crazed stalker immediately afterwards. In Lamhe, the hero took sweeping sorties over the lush English countryside (again to the accompaniment of a lovely song) with his heroine. But was fantasising about her mother all the while.
Not my idea of great romance.

LIST STARTS AGAIN ALERT:
The guys in uniform do it best. In Rang De Basanti, we had a Flight Lieutenant sweeping a girl off her feet with his sense of duty, his idealism, his cool shades and leather jackets. And when he chose to propose, it was not a hush-hush candlelit dinner setting. It was in bright sunlight, in a beautiful setting that you find only in India and in the presence of friends. When she was least expecting it. Tu bin bataaye mujhe lekar chal kahin...

Sometimes the girl wants you to woo her. She wants you to take her hand in yours. She wants you to get close to her and murmur sweet nothings. She wants you too look deeply in her eyes. Lekin parmisan toh lena chahiye, na?
The fearsome don of Wasseypur turned into jelly when she was meeting her lady love. And he taught us that wonderful lesson Indian men... Whatever you do, take permission.
Whether you want to hold her hand. Or whether you want to have sex.
And if she says no, back off. You may be a hunter but don't take out your gun. Just back off. (See from 2:00 onwards.)

The best gift with which you can woo a woman is attention. And who knows this better than a Frenchman?
When asked to name the favourite part of his class in English Vinglish, Laurent gave a totally charming one-minute speech (see from 4:20 onwards) about the woman he loved. In another language, for another woman, he may well have succeeded.
Come to think of it, who said he didn't? (see from 1:20 onwards)

Those were my favourites. Like? Dislike?

55 Goes To Bollywood

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A while back, I was slightly obsessed with writing 55-word stories/paragraphs. I wrote one set of stories on heroines, one on the seven deadly sins and another longer story in 55-word paragraphs. Then, I forgot all about it.
Yesterday I got some ideas while thinking about my pet topic.
And 55 went to tinsel town.

* * * * *

“Sagar-saab, without good dialogues, a scene falls flat. These daily dialogue writers you get are rubbish.”
“Arre, I got a new fellow today.”
“Forget him. Let me write. I promise you...”
“Yaar Salim, tu akele kya kya karega. Acting karega ya dialogue likhega? You meet this new guy - Javed. You'll like his work. Guaranteed.”

* * * * *

“The guy is really good”, Salim said.
“He was a pain in the romantic scenes. But the fights were amazing”, added Javed.
“I think Ramesh should see the movie.”
“The distributors won’t let him take this guy…”
“Let Ramesh see the film. After that, it’s his call…”
“Yeah. What’s the film called?”
“Bombay to Goa.”

* * * * *

“Barjatya-saab, I can't take Hari-bhai for the role.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Nothing. He's a great actor. But he's no longer hungry. His passion has...”
“What passion, Mahesh? Talent chahiye, bhai...”
“Yesterday, Anupam came to my place. His anger. His talent. His hunger... I've decided. Either he does the role or I won't direct this film.”

* * * * *

"Ramu-ji, Anurag and I were discussing the don must be an everyday guy in his personal life. Scared of his wife. Loves his kids. Loves eating kheer. You know, normal."
"Interesting. Then the name shouldn't be bombastic. Not Mogambo or Bhaktavar."
"No, no. Not at all."
The office boy walked in.
"Bhiku, teen coffee lana."

* * * * *

Vishal entered Chandan Cinema. Sajid came running, waving tickets.
“VD, this movie is a classic. Saw the noon show. Now matinee with you.”
Vishal lit a cigarette and smiled at his friend’s enthu.
“If I become a director, I will remake this film. And you’ll be the hero.”
“I’ll change my name if that happens.”

* * * * *

Five stories of 55 words each.
Each about one notable instance of Bollywood history, as imagined by yours truly.
I am now wondering if they have become too obscure because the snapshot is all-too-brief.
What do you think? Did you manage to recognize the people and the settings? Yes?
Then, write some of yours, no?

Filmy Fridays: Which witch is which?

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I have just started writing a column for Yahoo! Movies called Filmy Fridays. This is what I wrote in the introduction of the column. 
When you watch an Ayushmann Khurana movie, do you remember other movies in which the hero sang? Did Chashme Buddoor (the Classic) remind you of other movies shot in Delhi? Does Shashi Kapoor in Deewaar remind you of Raj Kiran in Karz? Well, you turned up at the right place then.
Every Friday, we will take one element of a current topic – a newly released movie, a special day, a star in the news – and go back in time to find some similar elements from the classics of Bollywood. Some will be obvious, some obscure and some tangential… hopefully, it will all add up to a lot of fun.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And this is the first column, which takes off from last week's 'big' release - Ek Thi Daayan.

Ek Thi Daayan releases today. Emraan Hashmi will be torn between the attentions of Huma Qureshi, Kalki Koechlin and Konkona Sensharma to decide which witch is which. The trailer offers many tantalizing theories about recognizing a witch while the National Commission for Women protests against the ‘negative’ portrayal of witches/women in the movie.
Now would be a good time to examine how many witches and lady ghosts have appeared in Hindi movies. How scary were they? What did they do?  Bad things or good things? How were they identified? How memorable were they?

Vishal Bhardwaj – the producer of Ek Thi Daayan – seems to have a witch obsession. He created a memorable chudail in Makdee as well.
Gnarled fingers. Matted hair. Creepy eyes. A dilapidated mansion adorned with skull and bones. She drank blood of eagles and bats. She was known to have dark magical powers and turned people into animals at a star-shaped altar in her mansion.
While it was supposed to be a film for children, Shabana Azmi became an evil witch who managed to scare even the adults. She met her match in Chunni (child actor Shweta Prasad) after she ‘turned’ her twin sister Munni into a chicken. The little girl pulled together all her courage, friends and meager resources to fight the evil witch – who became a metaphor for superstition and blind faith. And in the climax, Shabana Azmi’s frenzied performance made us realize once again why she is still India’s finest actress.

Villain killed heroine. Hero wanted to prove it and discovered a lookalike. The lookalike was supposed to pretend to be the dead heroine and extract a confession from the villain. Everything went as per plan – lights went out, thunder flashed and sound of anklets reverberated. The lookalike walked in and – with much drama – got the villain to confess. Except that she knew much more than she should have. On cue, another lookalike walked in, who had got delayed due to some unforeseen situation. As the hero processed this information, the earlier lookalike vanished into thin air. She was the ghost of the dead heroine, returning to take revenge.
Madhumati (Vyjayanthimala) was the first to have this ghostly trick and then tribute-factory Om Shanti Om recreated this sequence with Deepika Padukone. Both heroines were, well, deadly in the roles.

The title of the most ethereal ghost in Bollywood has to be Dimple Kapadia in Lekin.
She took smitten archaeologist Vinod Khanna on elaborate tours of deserted havelis, gave him delusions of grandeur, sang breathtaking songs and vanished into thin air amidst sand dunes. And just when we were confused if she was a figment of Vinod Khanna’s imagination or ours, her elder sister Hema Malini (ethereal running in the family, clearly) popped up and informed us of Dimple’s demise.
Interestingly, Meghna Gulzar revealed in her biography of Gulzar that Dimple was not allowed to blink in any of her scenes in the film and that endless fixed gaze added to her other-worldly allure. 

Ever since Manoj Night Shyamalan made The Sixth Sense, a whole new avenue of ‘inspiration’ opened up for scriptwriters across the globe.
In Hum Tum Aur Ghost, Arshad Warsi had the same gift, often not realizing they were dead. His fiancée attributed his hallucinations to excessive drinking and generally scattered brain. Boman Irani was a ghost who had an errand for him (bringing in a lost-and-found track) and paid a tribute to the original film. He deadpanned to Arshad, “You see dead people.”
Of course, Arshad’s girlfriend (Dia Mirza) gave him hell for his eccentric mumblings and threatened to leave him. Till she died herself. And guess who was the one living guy who could see and hear her? Arshad could have become the first man in history who actually heard what his wife told him… but for a silly plot twist. Tchah!

*** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT *** 

When the trailers of Aamir Khan-starrer Talaash flashed across TV screens, Kareena Kapoor seemed to be the femme fatale leading the police office hero in murder investigation offering seductive glances and cryptic clues. The fatale of this femme was actually literal as she wasn’t a witness or an accomplice but the victim herself. She was an unfortunate call girl who got killed by some rich playboys and her murder hushed up. She appeared only to Aamir Khan and took him to scary locations and shady people whose secrets she seemed to know a lot of. Essentially an extension of The Sixth Sense plot device, Kareena the Ghost popped up whenever Aamir Khan needed a clue and nudged him towards the criminals.
You know, our police could do with a lot of these other worldly assistances. 

*** SPOILER OVER *** SPOILER OVER *** SPOILER OVER *** SPOILER OVER *** 

As a final aside, it would be interesting to look at the many chudails and daayans who have inhabited the world of B-grade Bollywood.
-    The most common epithet for witches in Bollywood lexicon is obviously Pyaasi. Pyasi Chudail and Pyaasi Bhootni, for example. Obviously, these violent creatures are thirsting for blood. (Sale Alert: Both these eclectic movies are now available in a 3-in-1 DVD set, along with Khooni Murdaa.)
-    Daayan has also been the title of a movie while horror TV shows have picked up some of the more intriguing ones like Daayan Bani Dulhan (Whoa, this is Ramsay Bros meet Ekta Kapoor!) and Pahaadi Daayan

Filmy Fridays: iMac

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My weekly column for Yahoo! Movies, first published here.

April 24 was the birthday of Mac Mohan – one of the most recognised faces in Bollywood. With his distinctive white-streaked hair and beard, he was the quintessential villain’s henchman – never shying away from ordering a hit or helpfully passing on his boss’ message.
Today’s column looks at the life, times and trivia of ‘Mac’.

Mac Mohan was his screen name, arrived at by cleverly juxtaposing the first syllables of his name and surname – Mohan Makhijani.
He came to Bombay to become a cricketer but ended up in the movie industry instead. He had several filmi connections as he was Sunil Dutt’s classmate in Lucknow and Raveena Tandon’s maternal uncle. In fact, the actress was very fond of ‘Mohan mama’ and thought him to be a hero in real life. There was a controversy around the National Awards of 2001 when Raveena won the Best Actress prize for Daman while Mac Mohan was a member of the jury (and later accused of nepotism).

He made his film debut way back in 1964 with a part in Chetan Anand’s war drama – Haqeeqat– set in the backdrop of the Sino-Indian war.
He was also seen soon afterwards in Joy Mukherjee starrer, Aao Pyar Karein, where he danced to a song displaying female moves as part of a prank with his friends.
The song can be seen here and acknowledgments are due to Jai Arjun Singh who discovered Mac and Sanjeev Kumar as the ‘hero’s friends’ in the song.

His most iconic role was – of course, obviously, definitely, TOTALLY – in Sholay.
He gained legendary fame and his name in Sholay– Sambha – became a household word, thanks to a superb conversation with Gabbar Singh that led to his speaking just three words in the entire film. The device of Gabbar getting a sidekick to praise was explained by Javed Akhtar as an obvious one since megalomaniacs like others singing their praise. To this end, Sambha said “Pooray pachaas hazaar”, the reward on Gabbar’s head and made history.
Incidentally, the shooting of Sholay had him speaking in several scenes but all of them got edited out. In fact, Mac Mohan was very disappointed he saw the rushes and requested director Ramesh Sippy to edit even that one scene out.
As it turned out, he started getting recognised on streets as Sambha and was mobbed by audiences when he went to see the film in the theatre! 
Silly Aside: Rekha played an outrageously dressed vamp in Madam X. The fourteen people who saw that abomination of a film would remember (or not) that Mac Mohan played her chief henchman and his name was Sambha!

Mac Mohan made his career out of playing the villain’s henchman in countless (actually, 218) Hindi films.
In Karz, he was Sir Juda’s (Premnath) interpreter since the main villain did not speak and communicated only by clinking fingers on glasses.
In Satte Pe Satta, he played a henchman who tried to roll a boulder on an heiress but failed due to the efforts of the brothers.
In Don, he was part of the smugglers’ gang wearing natty clothes and playing cards. 
He did the occasional ‘good’ role as well. For example in The Burning Train, he was the leader of labourers trying to make an incline to stop the hurtling train. In fact, he was shown as the passionate leader who egged his team to complete this critical task taking instructions from Vinod Mehra (through a megaphone). In fact, the final instruction – which precipitated the climax – identified him by name – “Mac, Super Express ko incline pe daal do”.  

His name was so popular that in an exceptionally large number of films, his characters were also called Mac. This was in line with the tradition created by iconic villains like Ranjeet and Prem Chopra, whose characters were often named after their real names.
In 31 out of his 218 movies, Mac was Mac! For the mathematically inclined, that is a whopping 14% of the total output. For the trivially inclined, he was Mac in three successive movies in 1993 and called Mac Kelkar in the forgettable Jawab Hum Denge.

One of his very interesting roles came in Kaala Patthar, where he played Rana the card shark.
He was perennially ripping off fellow miners in the colony in card games, which he seemed incapable of losing. He met his match when Shatrughan Sinha challenged him to a game of teen patti and ended up with two kings. When Mac took out his three jacks (one of which was produced from under his sleeve), Shatru tore up his third card and announced – “teesre badshah hum hain...
This character had a very interesting twist in the climax when a group of miners were stuck in the submerged mine and used a draw of cards to decide who would get to escape using the lift first.

One of Mac’s last roles was in Zoya Akhtar’s Luck By Chance, set in the world of strugglers in the film industry.
He played himself, as the chief guest at the graduation ceremony of an acting class (run by Saurabh Shukla). Before giving out the certificates, he was requested to speak. A gushing student asked him not for a few words but for those three words that made him iconic. Mac good-naturedly obliged by restating the reward on Gabbar’s head... to thunderous applause.
At the end of a busy career, he deserved it. 

Book Review: Salvation Of A Saint

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It is very difficult to objectively review a book whose cover has a blurb “The Japanese Stieg Larsson” from a publication as venerable as The Times (presumably, London). Keigo Higashino is also the author of The Devotion Of Suspect X, the multi-million copy bestseller that was also made into a movie (needless to say, hugely successful).
Salvation Of A Saint is the story of a millionaire killed by arsenic poisoning, which has only two suspects – the victim’s wife and his lover (for whom he was leaving the wife). It doesn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to hazard a guess who the killer might be. Even if you are wrong, your second guess has to be correct. The beauty of this mystery novel is that the solution comes through stray observations, throw-away comments and simple assertions about human nature.  Why would an obsessively neat housewife not put her champagne flutes away? Why would a man insist on bottled water to make coffee? How does a woman feel when she is unable to bear a child? As Higashino goes about building seeming inconsequential conversations and describes quotidian events, he builds a tapestry of clues to unravel later. And when he does that, the logic of deduction is masterful.

Having said that, there is a problem. This is a mystery novel, not a thriller. The build-up of events and characters is a little too slow to get sucked into the story right from the beginning. For me, the reputation of the author was the only hook that kept me on till the very end.
Except for the last quarter of the novel, the pace is leisurely and there are just not enough clues for the readers to get their brain cells into play. Blame it on the breathless pace of the TV crime dramas (which kill off several people in one episode), my expectation of a crime story has come to include a lot more ‘happenings’ – murders, reveals, twists, turns. Salvation doesn’t offer any of that.
In itself, this should not have been a problem. There are many detective stories that gloss over the ‘inactive’ period with the eccentricities of the hero and his interactions with his cronies. Hercule Poirot’s obsessive neatness, his sartorial style, his exasperation with Hastings all added to the allure and often, one looked forward to these descriptions to add a bit of spice to the detection. Likewise, Sherlock Holmes’ cocaine addiction, Feluda’s banter with Jatayu, Byomkesh’s social milieu were all grist for finely etched episodes that framed the detective stories beautifully. I felt the premise of Detective Galileo – a University professor swearing allegiance to science and scientific methods to solve crimes – was too commonplace. His interactions with the police officers were again not sharp enough to look forward to. And indeed, he just isn’t there for long enough to make an impression.

Salvation has a brilliant twist in the end but the scale of the crime, the pace of the detection and the charm of the protagonists just did not have enough thrills. A likeable enough book but not one that will keep you up past your bedtime to know the killer. 

This review is a part of the biggest Book Review Program for Indian Bloggers. Participate now to get free books!

A Star Is Born

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My family has a thing for - what we call - 'gaalbhora' (literally, a mouthful) names though they got shortened by well-meaning friends. I am Diptakirti going around as Dipta while my sister is Debanjana, now known as Debbie. (Not Debi, unfortunately. Sigh.)
Probably scarred by our efforts in explaining these long names to less evolved people, my sister and I decided to give simple names to our children. (Dyujoy is a simple name, okay?) While I had Joy and Deeti, my sister came up with Tara. (She lives in a civilised place where they let you know the child's gender beforehand.) My mother murmured some desire for a 'gaalbhora naam' but then, my sister has never listened to anybody in her entire life.

I was quite tickled to because
(a) My sister's nickname is Moon. And now there is a Star.
(b) The second part of Phoolon ka, taaron ka arrived before the first part. (Page 114 of Kitnay Aadmi Thay, dudes!)

* * * * * *
As I have mentioned twice before, I strongly believe in birthdays passing on traits. We already have a Roger Waters in the family and an International Woman of Mystery.
When I first heard my sister was due for delivery in the first week of May, my first thought was to wish for a May 2nd date. No other date (not even October 11) holds so much meaning for me as this one and if I could choose a date for any of my kids, I would have chosen this date without a shade of doubt.
When QSQT turned 25 earlier this week, I slyly thought my sister probably deserves her daughter to be born on that day. I know she herself wanted it when she messaged me - somewhat resignedly - after a checkup.
So thankfully, the little girl decided to come today and ensure her Mamu will never forget everything else in the world but not her birthday.

Welcome, Miss Tara Nair. May you grow up to be a Ray heroine. 
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